EPISODE 59 : Deathly Hallows (Ch. 3-4)
w/ Amanda McLoughlin

Multitude's Amanda McLoughlin comes through again to discuss more Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Topics include dunking on Marie GrandPre, claptrap, Dedalus Diggle, mauve tophats, public transportation, Mike liking a Dursley chapter?, hair obsessions, the worst shots, Flying Voldemort, Dragon Fire Boops, Qi, and more!

 

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MIKE:  55:22  

He is just floating as high as they are in the sky, which I'm very excited to see how the movie did this because reading this, it was just the crazy action scene description of what goes down.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
But basically Hagrid dives, Harry starts shooting Stuns all over the place, the motorbike gets hit at one point, a Death Eater is just about to attack Harry, but then Hagrid jumps out of the motorcycle onto the broom and then they start to descend because there's too much weight for the broom to hold both of them up, and then Harry hears Avada Kedavra. Which I'm assuming comes from Voldemort. Because he wouldn't want any of the Death Eaters to do it. And Harry closes his eyes. His wand moves on his own accord, and spurts out golden fire. So I don't know what this could be your how this works, or if it was just him being instinctual or if it's actually some sort of like divine power or something that is making him do this. Umm, Amanda’s rocking back and forth!

 

AMANDA:
I'm just smiling like a maniac here. 

 

MIKE:
Okay. So…

 

AMANDA:
We don’t know.

 

MIKE:
Okay, after this, Harry opens his half closed eyes and realizes he's right near the dragon button. So he hits it with his non-wand hand.

 

AMANDA:
And this is described by the way as Harry found his nose an inch from the dragon fire button. I really thought he was going to lean forward and boop the button with his nose.

 

MIKE:

And boop it? Yeah! I did too!

 

AMANDA:
Which would have been fucking legendary.

 

MIKE:  56:41  

Oh, that would have been so good.

 

AMANDA:  56:43  

Give me a little boop of dragon fire, babe, come on!

 

MIKE:  56:44  

That would be so. Oh would have been so adorable. Unfortunately he uses his non-wand hand to punch the button, and he breaks away from Voldemort and whatever Death Eater is still there. He is then falling to the ground and tries to do ‘Accio Hagrid’, which of course does nothing.

 

AMANDA:  57:01  

Hilarious, so pure.

 

MIKE:
It's great.


AMANDA:
I thought ‘Accio Horcrux’ was the best that we'd ever heard--

 

MIKE:
Oh, that’s so funny.

 

AMANDA:
I didn’t think ‘Accio Hagrid’ has to be even better. 

 

MIKE:  57:10  

Yeah, because at least ‘Accio Horcrux’ kind of works and Dumbledore let him do it just to prove a point. But I think ‘Accio Hagrid’ is a great… why not? I'm trying to- it's like when it's like when you're playing a video game and you do something dumb that you know shouldn't work but you give it a shot anyway. Can I jump through this? You just try it knowing it's probably not going to work, but maybe! Or like, if you're playing Scrabble or Words with Friends specifically, and you can just try, when, when you have like, a little two letter connector thing like, “Maybe ‘QO’ is a word.” And then, it's not, but Qi is shout out to Qi for being the most important word in my Words with Friends career which lasted from my freshman year of college to my sophomore year in college.

 

AMANDA:  57:55  

What a throwback.

 

MIKE:
Oh, so good.

 

AMANDA:

Pre-Vine Schubes was Words with Friends, Schubes.

 

MIKE:  57:59  

Yeah, pretty much because Vine kind of became a thing my sophomore year, so yeah that was, that was pre. Harry tries ‘Accio Hagrid’, does not work, worth a shot, can't blame him. But then he hears Voldemort say to a Death Eater, “Your wand, Selwyn. Give me your wand.” We haven't heard of Selwyn before, right? 

 

AMANDA:
No, we have not.

 

MIKE:
This is the first we’ve heard of him. Okay, it was not a name I recognized and Voldemort is right there like right by Harry but then he vanishes and Harry realizes he's getting close to hitting the ground, he sees Hagrid spread eagle on the ground, and Harry does not have enough time to pull up on the motorbike to get into float. So he just has enough time to kind of swerve it away from Hagrid and then it crashes into a pond. And that is the end of this scenario, fight situation thing, and the end of the chapter, was there anything I missed, Was there anything I misconstrued, I feel like there's so many things happening and I wanted an explanation, but I didn't know if it was just, they will explain it in the next chapter or what, but a lot is happening.

 

AMANDA:  58:57  

A lot is happening, the only thing I heard was when we were discussing why Harry had to leave Privet Drive now, there are kind of two things going on. One is the Trace, and then one is the like protection that Harry has on him. So the Trace is the Ministry of Magic’s trace on all under age users of magic that won’t be expiring for four days until he turned 17. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.


AMANDA:
But also, the kind of like range the movie talked about is like “oh once we're out of range”?

 

MIKE:
Yes.


AMANDA:
Means once Harry is far enough away from Privet Drive that his mom's like place of residence protection, you know, is going to be wearing off so the Trace is still on him if- if and when he uses all of this magic, obviously. He is in the wind and the Ministry’s alarms are presumably going off. But at this point, again it doesn't matter if he's arrested but we suppose that they were worried about someone at the Ministry like being able to Apparate right next to him, you know? And like, know where Harry is.

 

MIKE:
Yeah. 

 

AMANDA:
So in this case, both are kind of moot and Harry is in the wind with Hagrid lying below him sadly, and ironically just like Dumbledore was at the end of book six..

 

MIKE:  1:00:00  

Yes, now here's a thought I just had if they knew that the Dursleys were going to have to move. What if, at the beginning of the summer before Harry goes back the Dursleys have moved into a mobile home and then that is established that this is the home, and that's where the blood is and it's okay and then Harry spends an entire summer in a mobile home, and then they just drive him to someone else's house and then always to do is walk from one to the other, why didn’t they do this?

 

AMANDA:  1:00:23  

Well, somebody also earlier, or in chapter three, mentioned the sort of intent, where they were like, “Okay so the Dursleys are leaving, right? For the last time, right? And you don't tend to go back again, right?”

MIKE:
Oh okay.

 

AMANDA:
So, that may be kind of put a little question mark in the margin, because, like, what does intent, have to do with it? Like well, like we don't know obviously there's a lot of like intention emotion wrapped up in magic, especially in like huge protections like Lily’s. But it just made me laugh like, how do people know if it matters. Like how... you know? How do you draw the line? It's, it's almost like saying, you know? Like intent is nine tenths of the law or whatever or possession is nine tenths of life. I don’t know what the thing is--

 

MIKE:
Yeah, yeah.

 

AMANDA:
It just brings to mind for me how squishy and non defined, all of this stuff really is.

 

MIKE:
Yeah. 

 

AMANDA:
So especially where like again like we are in the book where like prophecies will be true or not, you know? Horcruxes will be destroyed or not Hallows, whatever those are. Like, we’ll learn--

 

MIKE:
They will be Deathly.


AMANDA:
--like, what this myth is all about. And this is the point where like all of the world building that Rowling has done or not, over the last six books. Like, we know the rules that we're playing by, you know what I mean? And like, this is the book where we finally figure out if ‘a squared plus b squared equals c squared’. Like if, if--

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
If, if 2 + 2 equals 4.

 

MIKE:
Where all of the Lego building comes together.


AMANDA:
Yeah, yeah, and uhhh, and so this is where we're at. 

 

MIKE:  1:01:44  

Yeah, there's one thing that I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not, because Johnny, who was on the episodes before yours. At the end of the six book mentions that apparently somewhere in the seventh book, there is some sort of thing that is very very minor and he said that there's two of them even close succession to each other. It's like very very minor and it's this technicality. Kind of like, “Ehhh!” thing. He is predicting that I am going to be absolutely furious about it. And he’s predicted that everyone listening knows what we're talking about. So I don't know if that makes you think of a particular thing, but just kind of speaking of trying to think about intent and world building and things coming together that JK Rowling has laid the foundation for and then seeing whether or not it comes together in words. I fear/am excited to see what it is, just because I do know that some of the fun elements of Potterless are me getting upset about stuff. 

 

AMANDA:  1:02:34  

I know, I know. I felt I didn't give you enough room to be your sassy and upset self.

 

MIKE:  1:02:38  

No, I mean, there's not that much going on in these chapters to make me sassy and upset. As you can see there is no Quidditch, I mean, the Firebolt dies in this chapter, how am I supposed to be sad?

 

AMANDA:  1:02:49  

Apparently, the weight limit of a broom is less than one Hagrid, so that sucks.

 

MIKE:  1:02:53  

Or, or at least it's just Hagrid plus a person.

 

AMANDA:
That’s true.


MIKE:
So it might not be equal to one Hagrid. 

 

AMANDA:
Trye.

 

MIKE:
The weight limit is not enough for a Hagrid and another person.

 

AMANDA:
Do you think tandem brooms are a thing? Tandem rides?

 

MIKE:
Ohhh! They should be. Oh my god! How cute.


AMANDA:
Do you think there are like, baby seats on brooms?

 

MIKE:
Oh my goodness.

 

AMANDA:  

Or is it just like, a chest carrier?

 

MIKE:
Oh my goodness! Ohhh. Wow, this is a whole new world of possibilities This is great.

 

AMANDA:
I know that there are toddler brooms that have like, little levitation charms and cushions--

 

MIKE:
Wait, they do?

 

AMANDA:
To keep them from falling. But that really is like, what do couples do?

 

MIKE:
Do children's brooms have uh, training wheels where they have tiny little things of straw? Like, on the side on the back straw coming out?

 

AMANDA:
Very close.

 

MIKE:
Oh my goodness.

 

AMANDA:
They have little like, levitation charms so that things can't fall off.


MIKE:
Oh. okay.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.


MIKE:
Well, that’s cute.

 

AMANDA:
That’s adorable.


MIKE:
I hope they physically manifest themselves in tiny little straw parts that stick out of the side.

 

AMANDA:
I know, I know, I think that’d be very- like a little manger. Adorable.

 

MIKE:
In my headcanon, that’s how they are. But yeah, so that's the end of this chapter. And that’s the end of this episode of Potterless. I am very scared about the next one being that someone that we like is dead.

 

AMANDA:  1:04:09  

We’ll see.

 

MIKE:
But Amanda, how do you feel about chapters 3 and 4 from the seventh book?

 

AMANDA:  1:04:12  

Yeah, like I said earlier, I-I remember like, how I felt and how I was laying when I first read this chapter. In what would have been my freshman year of high school. It was such a, oh man, like... Harry had been younger than me for all of the books so far--

 

MIKE:
Oh right.

 

AMANDA:
We are the same age.


MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:

In the book, when it was published almost, I guess. I guess, I was 15 and he was turning 17 but we were very close--

 

MIKE:
Sure.


AMANDA:
And closer than we’d been. I don’t know, for me, it was such a moment of like, damn, I don’t know how I would react in previous books and chapters, it's like Harry such an idiot I would have done this so much better blah blah blah blah blah. But here you know there is like, there is combat, there is loss, there is like jumping into the unknown. And yeah, it's, it is all going to hit off after this, including the sort of like the formula is gone. Like we were in Privet Drive briefly, we have left, like all bets are off. It-we're not on the Hogwarts Express right now. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
And so it's it's just so it's so cool to me that, like here in the seventh book, you know you picture like I don't know, I'm just looking at my bookshelf now with all seven of the books next to each other and the fact that we're like inching through the final one in that volume and already things are so far off the rails. It's, I don't know, it's just, it's a very cool and like emotional thing to consider. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:

As we, again, sort of set off on this final-this final journey of the series.

 

MIKE:
Yeah, four chapters in, we are in a very different place than any other book has been and it's kind of breaking down all of the norms, aside from having a Dursley chapter. It kind of is breaking down all the norms of what usually happens, we've gotten two instances of Voldemort already usually we only get Voldemort in the very end of the book, or briefly we've already had two of them, and we've gotten the Voldemort perspective chapter where it's not narrated by Harry, and then we have Voldemort somewhat trying to attack Harry but not necessarily being successful. So that's different. I do not know if Harry is actually going to go to school this year, which is very different, and even what was going to be set up as you go through the sixth book when you read the Horcrux chapter, at least what I expected the foundation is that, ok, so the next book, seven is going to be, Harry and Dumbledore going together and having these kind of meetings where Dumbledore theorizes on what the Horcrux is and then they go to find the Horcrux and they get the Horcrux and they destroy it, and they'll do that four times and that'll be the book. Well, with Dumbledore gone, even the one type of thing that we thought was going to be the key or the hint as to what the structure of the book will be and how the story is formatted, even that is gone. So, I'm in a very interesting place where four chapters in, things are very different and I have no freaking clue how the story is going to go where it is going to go, how it's going to be sold all these other things. I'm very excited.

 

AMANDA:  1:06:47  

Yeah, and neither does Harry, right? 

 

MIKE:
Nope, not at all.

 

AMANDA:
Like, Harry knows he is leaving Privet Drive not for somewhere to-to chill before the Hogwarts Express. I'm just like the way I experienced books is so like empathetic and drawn to the character. So that is definitely something to keep in mind here as well as like just as we don't know what's next, and we feel, you know, unmoored about the structure that we're used to. So does Harry and like, he also pictured himself, you know, hunting down horcruxes being a badass with Dumbledore. But now, he's sort of like there's so many moments where, at the end of halfway friends like you're sort of looking around for answers and they're like oh Dumbledore isn't here. Like, what do we then do? And so we're going to see Harry try and fail and succeed and you know who knows what but-but try to kind of fill those shoes and, it's like a moment in video games where like you realize the world's open or your eyes and the map is bigger than you thought it was. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
And this is that for me. Is like, you thought you were on a train track, but not only is your train car now off of the tracks, like, you look backward the tracks aren't there anymore and, oh wait I'm falling like there's no train car under me.

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
So this is this is where we're at and I think it's a pretty cool place to, you know, to leave you for the rest of your journey.

 

MIKE:  1:07:54  

Yeah. Oh man, I'm very excited. Well, Amanda thank you so much for being on these episodes. I'm glad that my choice to have you at the very beginning of seven worked out, I’ve always talk about how it seems like the stars align when I pick the guests for the chapters. But I had an inkling that having you for the very beginning of seven would make a lot of sense so you can be my primer into, into this book because in a lot of ways I feel like you were a primer for me to the series since you were a guest, so early on back. 


AMANDA:
Awww…


MIKE:
So, it's good to have you back. I hope people enjoy these episodes, I'm sure they did. And yeah, I'm excited. So, thanks for joining listeners thanks for listening. Is there anything in particular you'd like to mention? The last time you mentioned my podcast. How about you talk about one of yours and stop being so selfless all the time?

 

AMANDA:  1:08:35  

Yeah, thank you. If people are eagerly awaiting next week's episode of Potterless and they cannot believe that they waited two weeks for episodes much less, one week for episodes. I have good news for you. That there's over 90 episodes of Spirits that you can download and binge. Where if, if you like, you know me thinking way too hard about minor details in a children's book. You're going to love me thinking way too hard about mythology and folklore and urban legends with my best friend. So that podcast is called Spirits, and I think you guys would would super enjoy that, as well as Join the Party.

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
Which is a story, which is like 32 chapters and counting that I tell with my friends. All of them have been on Potterless before. But we tell the story of some unlikely heroes, figuring out the world around them watching the like, world map of the video game unfold. It is beautiful and lovely and there are many many hours of it to binge in between your Potterless eps. So, that’s Join the Party and Spirits so check it out.

 

MIKE:  1:09:31  

Yeah, and I've been on both of those as well. So if you like me, you can find the ones that I'm in there as well. But yeah…

 

AMANDA:
Fine, fine, if you must.


MIKE:
Those are both wonderful. No, they are absolutely wonderful podcasts, I cannot recommend them enough. I'm very glad that they are in our little Multitude fam because they're very enjoyable to listen to. So Amanda, thanks for being on. Listeners, thanks for listening and until next time, as they say in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter before they hit their dragon NOS buttons on their motorcycles, WIZARD ON!

TRANSCRIPT

<3:50>

 

MIKE:

Hello internet, and welcome back to another episode of Potterless, the tale of a 26 year old man reading the Harry Potter series for the very first time. My name is Mike Schubert, I am that 26 year old man and I'm joined again by my pod mom, Amanda McLoughlin. Amanda, how's it going?

 

AMANDA:
I am great, how are you, Schubes?

 

MIKE:
I’m just dandy, I'm ready to continue our journey through Deathly Hallows, which I have quickly learned is not wasting any time into serious stuff happening. Because they're not kidding around.

 

AMANDA:
The Hallows are getting more deathly by the chapter. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah, I don't even know what the Deathly Hallows are but I’m getting the vibe that they're going to live up to their name, or whatever they are. 

 

AMANDA:
Listen, so last episode, I made you pause for chapter one to talk about the epigraph. In this episode, I'm going to make us pause to study the illustration by Mary GrandPre--

 

MIKE:
Okay.

 

AMANDA:
--that opens up chapter three.

 

MIKE:
Which JK Rowling says are not canon but I'm still down to check it out. 

 

AMANDA:
They are the mental image of Harry Potter I had growing up because I started reading like a hipster before the movies came out. But anyway, so let's just look at that image. Tell me if you ever would have predicted that Dudley and Harry would touch body parts voluntarily. That wasn't like Dudley sitting on Harry.

 

MIKE:
It was surprising.

 

AMANDA:
Yes.


MIKE:
That is basically the big reveal in this chapter is that Dudley has had a redemption arc and shakes Harry's hand.


AMANDA:
The illustration for those who are listening to the audiobook or a ebook is that Dudley and Harry who's wearing pajamas inexplicably, shaking hands and I guess the front of Privet Drive. But it was just very funny to me because it says the Dursleys are departing and it shows Dudley and Harry smiling and shaking hands, and there is like a lot more conflict, including the first line of chapter being, “Oi, you!” then I would have expected from that framing. But like, again Deathly Hallows, shit is different, we are not messing around.

 

MIKE:
No.

 

AMANDA:
The Dursley’s are actually leaving, they are actually having some kind of closure like here we are. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah, and this goes back, I've complained about this before. But specifically I did in the sixth book for the chapter that's called the Flight of the Prince and then it has a picture of Snape. I don't like when the drawings giveaway plot twists.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.


MIKE:
And this giveaway a plot twist which you get to the very end of chapter three, and you learn Dudley actually likes Harry or at least is appreciative of him for saving his life from the Dementor attack. And this would have been way better if I didn't start this chapter knowing, “Oh, Dudley’s gonna be nice.” Not to dunk on Mary GrandPre, but I don't like when the drawings do this.

 

AMANDA:
Right.

 

MIKE:
I like when they make you kind of think. It's okay if it's a plot twist that doesn't convey a lot like for chapter two, it was Harry looking into the little mirror thing--

 

AMANDA:
Right.

 

MIKE:
And that's fine because you can't really infer anything. But you see, Harry and Dudley looking happy shaking hands, you know that they're going to make amends, and that's the so to speak, reveal of this chapter which I get is not the most significant thing. The Flight of the Prince one was way more criminal in my eyes. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
But I just, I don't know, I don't like it, it's not fun I wanted to kind of have that, “Oh wow.” When I was reading of all time just kind of going, “Alright, when is Dudley gonna be nice?” It-it wasn't as much fun. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, well we do get to start with some good old fashioned Dursley burns where, you know, Vernon yells, “Oy, you!” At Harry, where he is completely nonplussed to hear it because he has been addressed thus for 16 years.

 

MIKE:
Yep. So Harry's beckoned by Vernon in this classic customary way, and just before Harry walks down, he looks at the mirror again and thinks, again, that he thought that he sees Dumbledore's blue eye in the mirror, but then also has to tell himself, like he did last chapter “No, no, no, you're making it up.” Which clearly Harry wants to talk to Dumbledore and I've brought this up in the past. I don't know if Harry’s actually going to go to Hogwarts or not in this book, it's up in the air. I hope he does, because I want them to talk to the damn Dumbledore painting it seems like a very obvious choice. And I'm surprised Harry's not had this thought or realization, even though he saw the painting, when he was in McGonagall is now office. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, Harry does not make connections, you know? between things that are very common for wizards and that other wizards might assume that you will do right away. And you know? Stuff that we're like, “Oh wait, there's this magical thing that could actually help you solve your problem.” But yeah, like it also surprised me that they restated this exact plot thing that is like literally opposite the start of this chapter on the other page like yeah I get it I just read it, unlike this podcast, there was a week long break in between the plot twist.

 

MIKE:
It was literally a page. 

 

AMANDA:
I know, I know.

 

MIKE:
Ugh.


AMANDA:
That's another just little big dispatch from fandom is that there had been some fanfics that think really deeply about like how much of a person is captured the portrait like what that portrait magic is like.

 

MIKE:
It’s strange. They have emotions! 

 

AMANDA:
Exactly.

 

MIKE:
Because the Fat Lady cried her eyes out when she found out Dumbledore was dead.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, it's a cool part of like, the lore of the magic of Harry Potter that is not completely flushed out of the books and like most parts of the magical system is left to the fans and like do interesting stuff with later.

 

MIKE:
Totally. This again is something I would probably ask JK Rowling if I do get an interview with her at any point in my life I will have the most bonkers questions she will walk out of that interview so confused. Because I will not be asking anything of importance, it will be very very silly things like this. So Harry is asked to sit in front of the Dursleys, and this is the first time, one for seven Petunia is not described as horse faced!

 

AMANDA:
Eyyy!

 

MIKE:
She is not described as horse faced

 

AMANDA:
She’s graduated to an actual person. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah, she's not just like this, hey Petunia is ugly and we don't like her because the Dursleys are written to dunk on people that JK Rowling didn't like you know her Privet. Like, someone whose name was Privet back from her schooling days. So it's just the constant need to be like, “They're fat, they're ugly. Petunia looks like a horse meh, meh, meh, meh.” This is the first time she wasn't described as such. So, you did it Petunia, you did it. So Vernon asks Harry to sit in front of all of them. And the first thing that Vernon says is, “It's a lot of claptrap.” Which brings us to a fan favorite segment of Potterless British Quandaries with UK Correspondent, Dottie James.

 

AMANDA:
Yes!
 

<9:36>

 

BRITISH MIKE:

And now, it is time for British Quandaries with UK Correspondent, Dottie James.

 

DOTTIE JAMES

It is always very embarrassing when I have to myself Google the British words, because I don't know what they mean. But a claptrap is just nonsense, it is just nonsensical words said without meaning. Great. That's what a claptrap is. 

 

BRITISH MIKE
This has been British Quandaries with UK Correspondent, Dottie James.

 

<10:05>

 

MIKE:  10:05  

Wow, look at that, claptrap we've learned whether or not people actually say this in the UK.

 

AMANDA:
Never actually knew, amazing.

 

MIKE:
So what we learned is that the plan was for the Dursleys to go away to avoid a potential Death Eater attack and Vernon has been wavering back and forth a lot on this decision. But Vernon has now decided that it's all a bunch of BS and they are going to stay, Vernon says that he thinks it's all a scam for Harry Potter to take over the house and Harry's like, “The house? what house?” And Vernon says, “This house.” And Harry hits him with, “Are you actually as stupid as you look?”

 

AMANDA:
Yikes.

 

MIKE:
Ugh, brutal by Harry Potter there, but very funny.

 

AMANDA:
Harry also knows that it’s book seven and gives no fucks.



 

MIKE:  10:45  

Yeah, he's like, “I don't have time for this, there are more important things to discuss.” He then goes on to say, “I've already got a house, my godfather left me one. So why would I want this one? All the happy memories?” Which is very funny Harry is getting very good at making fun of the Dursleys. He has to explain to Vernon, again, and really, to the reader is why this is written this way. He has to explain that he has been told by Harry Potter, Arthur and Kingsley Shacklebolt that once Harry turns 17, the charm is over. So Voldemort is going to try to attack and he may want to attack the Dursleys and torture them to try to find out where Harry has gone to. So, it's doing it first protection, the Order offers to hide them and protect them and Vernon asks, “What about the Ministry? Isn't there some sort of government that you guys have?” And Harry says, “Yes, but they can't be trusted. We think the Death Eaters have infiltrated.” 

 

AMANDA:  11:37  

Yeah, I just love that Vernon is thinking about house prices when Harry is like your literal lives are on the line.

 

MIKE:  11:42  

There are far more important things at stake than the real estate market. So, Vernon asks why they can't have Kingsley watch over them, and Harry says because he's protecting the Muggle Prime Minister and Vernon says, “Yeah, he's the best I want him.” Harry just goes, “Well, he's taken.” Harry's says that Hestia Jones and Dedalus Diggle are more than up to the job and I'm sorry this dude's name is Dedalus Diggle?

 

AMANDA:
It is.

 

MIKE:
For real? 

 

AMANDA:
It is.

 

MIKE:
Dedalus Diggle. Gosh, not only is it alliteration but it's an absurd sounding name for absurd wizard, as we soon learn and Vernon-Vernon does have a funny line though he says, “If we even seen some CVs.”

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
He wants the resumes of these people that are going to be looking over them.



 

AMANDA:  12:26  

You also skipped over, in my opinion the best line of this book so far.

 

MIKE:
Ohhh… Which is?

 

AMANDA:
The Dursleys had never seen Kingsley with his earring in. Where like I'm sure it's been revealed before that Kingsley has an earring but it’s just that little nod to me is like, Kingsley, legend, absolute unit. Like, I love this guy.

 

MIKE:  12:41  

I love Kingsley a lot, he is great, he is I think my favorite Order member that is not you know one of the kids. So Harry warns Vernon that Voldemort is behind the ramp of disappearances and deaths and says that the number of Dementors that exists might be in the thousands. Because they feed off of fear and despair, which this is terrifying. This I-I-I can’t where, where do they all live? Where do they go? I'm surprised that there weren't any Dementors in the last book.

 

AMANDA:  13:09  

I know.

 

MIKE:
I'm scared. 

 

AMANDA:
I assume that it's something about, like, obviously the Death Eaters were involved in like making the Dementors breed, as we stand and you famously described.


MIKE:
Yup.


AMANDA:
But it is wild to me that these could just be like out and about as creatures like every other chaotic, or dangerous magical creature is put in the Forbidden Forest, or regulated or like, you know, excoriated like the Boggarts. Like, when you find a Boggart, you get rid of it. That's just how it works. So the fact that like the Dementors is just like around making a war time and the most awful time a society could endure even worse is again like raising the frickin stakes here, chapter three like it is off.

 

MIKE:
And it's a powerful type of evil and a great bad guy accomplice henchmen to have if you're Voldemort. Because it's just as Voldemort becomes more powerful, more fear and despair covers the land and then, more Dementors breed, and there's just more and more of them, it seems like a beautiful problem to have. It's like a sick power up that just really works in Voldemort's favor. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah. 

 

MIKE:
So, Vernon asks, “What's going to happen with my work? What about Dudley’s school?” And this is where Harry shouts at him. “Don't you understand? They will torture and kill you, like they did my parents.” And this is a very fun interaction where you've got a 16 year old kid, having much more of a grip on the situation than this grown ass man and kind of lecturing an adult, even though he's, you know, a snot nosed teenager. But he actually understands it. You can't really blame Vernon because he's never seen Voldemort or had any sort of witness to him and he has to take to heart, what Harry is saying and he doesn't really respect Harry at all. So I can kind of get it, but you would think that with the way in which people have described Voldemort that Vernon might be more scared than he is and a little less defiant.

 

AMANDA:  15:03  

Well, that's why I'm glad we have Hestia here in the scene as well. Because she is like the actual voice of reason.

 

MIKE:
Yes.


AMANDA:
Being like, “What the fuck? Are these people actually talking to you, Harry Potter, that way?” It doesn't particularly land with the Dursleys. But I'm glad that at least Harry, you know, has the satisfaction of hearing somebody validate the fact that like the way the Dursleys treat him is completely at odds with how a person should treat any other person, much less someone who is like the most famous person in Wizarding society.

 

MIKE:  15:34  

Exactly. So when Harry mentions the maybe 1000 Dementors that exists. This really tugs at the heartstrings of Dudley, who had a very bad run in with Dementors and this causes Dudley to say that he wants to go with the Order to be safe. And Harry turns to him and says, “Dudley for the first time in your life, you're talking sense.”

 

AMANDA:
Yup.

 

MIKE:
Harry's killing it I'm really enjoying Harry this chapter.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
So then Dedalus and Hestia just show up at the door and Dedalus is described as wearing a mauve top hat. Which is the way better version of the green bowler.

 

AMANDA:
Oh yeah.

 

MIKE:
Mauve top hat is awesome. It's like the complete opposite end of the cool spectrum.

 

AMANDA:
It is excellent. 

 

MIKE:
So Dedalus is very overzealous about this job. He's ready to go. He's very excited. It gives me the impression that he is either a very new member of the Order or he's someone that doesn't get a lot of responsibility, so he's really excited to have a task. 


AMANDA:
See, I--

 

MIKE:
Kind of like a ‘Gabe from The Office’ situation where he's very excited to be “The toilet of Sabre.” Where he like, “People come to me with a problem.” You know? Just being really proud of what seems like a shitty job.

 

AMANDA:
I read him it's just being very good with people, because he is very sweet and enthusiastic--

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
--and wants to give the Dursleys a good send off and probably understands the fact that they, you know, like any regular reasonable person would be, you know, quite scared about going off into the unknown this way. And I-I loved his line where he's talking to Vernon made sure that Vernon can drive, which--

 

MIKE:
Yeah.


AMANDA:
--has an urbanite, Vernon is flabbergasted that someone asked him that. And then Dedalus goes, “Very clever of you sir, very clever.” I personally would be utterly bamboozled by all those buttons and knobs, which I just, I just thought it was sweet, it was so sweet.

 

MIKE:  17:11  

He tries to use it as a way to flatter Vernon, but it kind of backfires because Vernon takes it as a justification for not trusting him.


AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
And mutters to himself, “well this guy can’t even drive. Blah blah blah.” Like...

 

AMANDA:  17:23  

Listen, not being able to drive this queer culture. So I-I definitely think that Vernon can take his opinions and shove off.

 

MIKE:  17:30  

I mean it's also New York City culture where you live and I live by the time this episode is being released, where you know, you just walk and take the subway and a lot of people don't have driver's licenses and you just don't have to worry about it because driving in New York sounds like the worst thing ever. I hope that I never have to do it. 

 

<17:47>

 

EM
Hey, this is Editing Mike, just a quick editor's note that since recording, I did have to drive in New York, and it was terrible.

 

<17:51>

 

AMANDA:  17:52  

Not needing to drive is a feature, not a bug. Fight me, Vernon Dursley.

 

MIKE:
Yeah. Oh, public transportation is the best. When I lived in Paris, it was all train everything, and you just walk so much more. I think when I was in Paris I averaged like six miles a day, even just, you know? During the week I would just only be walking to work or stand up or doing whatever I was doing and then on the weekends I'd travel and stuff. But when you average that much more walking. Oh, you can justify so many more dessert runs. Because you’re like, “Oh come on! I walked six miles today. I can get ice cream.” Or like, “No, I can have this brownie, it's no problem.” Whereas now, I have days in Seattle, where I will walk less than a mile like today, I have gotten up, watched the World Cup, made food, read four chapters of Harry Potter, recorded two Potterless episodes, and then I'm going to cook a big dinner that I'm going to take for lunch the next couple days, and probably work on more Potterless. Because I have the episode coming out Monday. I haven't taken a lot of steps. It's good that you’re in New York where you get the excuse.

 

AMANDA:  18:52  

it's easier to justify a life as a sedentary nerd as I am. When at least you have to walk a couple miles to and from work and home every day.

 

MIKE:  19:01  

Especially if you live in a walk up like Kelly's in a sixth floor walk up. So anytime I visit her it's like, “Okay, I did my leg workout for the day because I've done you know?”

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
50 something lunges, so to speak. 

 

AMANDA:
That is very good.

 

MIKE:
So the plan is for Dedalus and Hestia to get the Dursleys to drive about 10 miles away, and then they will Disapparate. They're doing this so that there's no sort of tracking of Disapparation happening where Harry is. Because then the Death Eaters might know that things are getting moved into action. Also this prevents Harry from getting mistakenly arrested for misuse of magic, if they think it was Harry that did the charm. And I find it strange at first. My first thought was, is this really something the ministry is going to care about with the war going on? I feel like his justification should not have been, “Oh, he might be arrested by the Ministry.”  It would have made more sense if he said, “Well, you know the Death Eaters might want to attack you.” I don't know if he knows this or realizes this or whatever I just thought it was kind of funny that the big concern is that he's going to get arrested, I really don't think that's going to be on the ministry's mind.

 

AMANDA:  20:05  

So I mean, I-I think a few options like they may have wanted not to alarm Harry.

 

MIKE:
Okay.

 

AMANDA:
He may have wanted not to alarm the Dursleys. 

 

MIKE:
True.


AMANDA:
Which if they were an average family they probably would have been like, you know, very worried about their Foster son/nephew.

 

MIKE:  20:21  

Yeah. I guess the justification of,  “Oh Harry might get arrested sounds a little bit better than “Oh, Satan might murder Harry, if we do this.”

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
It might just be like a nicer way to explain the situation but have some very-

 

AMANDA:  20:32  

We’re still working on like, wizards or real magic is dangerous, etc.

 

MIKE:  20:36  

Yeah, they’re at step one they can't really come to grips with, “Oh Harry's life is on the line here.” Dedalus tells Harry, that the original plan of side apparition with Mad Eye, it has changed and when Mad Eye comes, he will explain what the new plan is and why they had to abandon the old plan. Vernon says, “Well, this is goodbye then, boy.” And goes in for a handshake. But then, can't come to grips with shaking Harry’s hand. So he moves his hand away and swings it like a grandfather clock second and just, it's a very awkward thing, and I don't get why he couldn't even shake the boy's hand.

 

AMANDA:
I don't know. 

 

MIKE:
It's ridiculous. But Dudley is a lot better than Vernon. Dudley asked Harry why he isn't coming and Vernon says, “Oh well, Harry doesn't want to.” And then turns around and goes “You, you don't want to, do you?” Like checking in. Harry replies, “Not in the slightest.” Which is great Dudley asked where Harry is gonna go. Vernon says  that he will go with some of “their lot”. Which Hestia takes offense to, “Oh, their lot? Come on, blah blah blah blah blah.” And Harry says, “No, no, no, don't worry about it, it's no big deal. They just think that I'm a waste of space.” And Dudley chimes in saying that he doesn't think Harry is a waste of space, and I found it interesting that we are taking all the time to have redemption arc for Diddykins. But as it went on a little bit farther, I actually found it to be really sweet. At first I was thinking, ahhh… this is unnecessary, why are we doing this? But then, as it went on a little bit more, I actually really liked it and found it really sweet and heartfelt.


AMANDA:
Yeah, and just how like last chapter, you know it took learning more about Dumbledore for Harry to realize that he never like, asked Dumbledore a question that didn't relate to his own you know? Mortal peril, which you know? Is fair enough because the kid was born into a war and it has not stopped. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah 

 

AMANDA:
But, in this case like Dudley is also having a growing up moment of realizing like Oh okay, other people's internal experience is similar to my own on occasion, and asks about Harry's safety and Harry's purposes and experiences. So, it's a it's a little bit sweet I found it to be completely sweet, even though you know again as we kind of watch Harry like do his final walkthrough of the house will be reminded you know of all of the traumas, have reached against him.

 

MIKE:  22:37  

Yeah, how bad it was. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
So Dudley goes on to say, “You saved my life.” And Harry corrects him saying, “Well actually, I didn't save your life, it was just your soul.” Like dude, just, just take the compliment take the nice words, don't freakin’ mansplain to him how to Dementors work. Just...

 

AMANDA:  22:55  

He’s just being awkward and not wanting to accept any, like, credit, which I kind of understand. But he also realizes, to his credit that the cup of cold tea that he stepped on earlier that morning wasn't actually a booby trap as he thought, but that Dudley might have wanted to, you know, just make him a little more comfortable, which is kind of touching.

 

MIKE:  23:14  

Yeah, it's a nice gesture but could have been a lot better. I get that Dudley was shy about it. But,--

 

AMANDA:
Too little too late.

 

MIKE:
Probably would’ve helped if he knocked on the door--


AMANDA:
Yeah.


MIKE:
And said, “Hey, I made you tea.” And not just leave it for Harry to step on. So Petunia is very proud of Dudley for saying thank you. Hestia butts in and says, “He never actually said thank you. He just said that he didn't think Harry was a waste of space.” And Harry says, “Yeah, but for Dudley, that's like saying I love you.”

 

AMANDA:
Fair.

 

MIKE:
Which is so great, so good. So Dudley then goes over to shake Harry Potter's hand and Harry says, “Blimey! Did the Dementors blow a new personality into you?” And Dudley says, “I don’t know, see you, Harry.” And it’s just, awww... This is where my heart turned away from stone. Because I have a natural inclination to despise--

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
--Dursley chapters, and while I was reading this I just thought,  “Oh come on, do we really need this?” But at this interaction, I really liked it and I felt sweet. So I Grinched up, and my heart grew three sizes, so they say goodbye. And it seems like Petunia wants to say something to Harry. But then, she turns around and doesn't.  And that might be the last we ever see of the Dursleys. But that’s the end of chapter three, and then we move on to chapter four, the Seven Potters, which my first thought was, he's not gonna Horcrux corrects himself, thankfully he doesn't.

 

<24:28>

 

EDITING MIKE:
Ey yo! Past Mike, chill!! Because it’s time for WINGARDIUM AD-READ-OSA!!!

 

<24:35>

 

WINGARDIUM AD-READ-OSA!!!

 

<27:35>

 

MIKE:

Harry takes his rucksack, his Firebolt and Hedwig and gets ready to leave. He does kind of the tour through the Dursley household, and it's just a laundry list of all the bad stuff that has happened.

 

AMANDA:

Yeah, before we get there though Harry does have one moment of watching the Dursleys leave in their car down Privet Drive. And in my final moment of probably over textual analysis for this episode, we see that the windows burned scarlet for a moment in the now setting sun before the car disappears. By which I mean drives away and will later Disapparate. But I thought that that again choice of the word ‘Scarlet’ was really resonant again the cover looks like a sunset in a little bit of a way which is kind of cool. This is the sunset of the chapter of Harry's relationship in this way with the Dursleys, of his time in this house like, this is all kind of like things are ending. 

 

MIKE: 

They are literally riding off into the sunset. 

 

AMANDA:
Exactly. And I was also reminded though there of Fawkes. 

 

MIKE:
Oh yeah.

 

AMANDA:
Which, you know, was always described in very like sunset-y ruby red scarlet--

 

MIKE:
Yeah, amber.

 

AMANDA:
Right. And I don't know to me, it sort of reminded me that like the only way that Harry could have a functional relationship with his family and his place of origin is to kind of sacrifice what came before, and out of this tragedy, maybe a new bond or a potential for one-- 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
--will be reborn so we will have to see.

 

MIKE:
Yeah, we will. So, a bunch of wizards then lift their Disillusionment Charms and appear. You've got Hagrid on a motorcycle, and you've got a bunch of others on brooms and Thestrals. So the whole crew that is there is Hermione, Ron, Mad Eye Moody, Fred and George, Bill, Mr Weasley, Tonks, Lupin, Fleur, Kingsley, and Mundungus. What I found interesting is that JK Rowling gives little descriptors of everybody, but only describes their hair. So it's like Ron and his orange hair and Bill with his longer hair and Tonks with her bright pink hair and Hagrid with his hair and big beard. I was like,  “Why do we-why do we care so much about everybody's hair?”

 

AMANDA:  

Maybe it's priming us to see them all be identical, which could be kind of funny.

 

MIKE:
Oh okay. But I don't know. Just kind of like, just kind of looking around at all of them as he takes them into the kitchen, was, was really sweet. Like it's, I think really lovely to see again, this house is like completely vacated and it was for the most part of super shitty place to grow up. But now Harry is filled with like, friends and allies who are here to like literally put their lives on the line for him, which, I don’t know, is pretty sweet.

 

MIKE:  29:57

So one of the first things Harry does is ask Kingsley, “”What about the Muggle Prime Minister?” And Kingsley says, “Ahh, he can do one night without me. You're more important.” Right after this, Tonks flashes her ring and says, “Hey Harry, check it out!” And says they got married. Sorry you couldn't be there. It was a very small and quiet service. So I think that that's pretty cute that she just kind of busts the news--


AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
--with no real reason just kind of like, “Hey! Check it!” Then Moody gets into what's going on with this plan, so they had to abandon Plan A because of Pius. So the problem that they face is that with Harry being under age, the Ministry still has a Trace on him. so Moody clarifies the protection charms situation, saying that once they get far enough out of the house, it's going to go away, they're doing it early to try to catch the Death Eaters off guard, and they purposely let out a fake trail that they weren't leaving until the 30th. So Snape was right, Yaxley was wrong, and he fell for the bait. But here's my question, just because I know that Snape is at least on the side of the Order. I'm very intrigued about Snape’s motivations in terms of what he decides to tell Voldemort and the Death Eaters and when he is right and when he tries to lead them astray. And I feel like this is something that I'm confused as to why if Snape is good that he gave them the correct thing and didn't just let him take the bait, if Snape’s ultimate goal is to kill Voldemort and you know have Harry survive. I was very perplexed that Snape would go through the effort of correcting them when really you could have just let it all happen where they fall for this bait, and then they can just be like, “Oh no! We messed up!”

 

AMANDA:  31:36  

Yeah, you're supposed to be confused.


MIKE:
Okay good.

 

AMANDA:
And like the--

 

MIKE:
I mean, I wish that I didn't know that it was good in the end. I really, really do because I talked about this in previous episodes but I think that given the end of six, even if I didn't know Snape was a good guy. I would have thought that he was good, just based on Dumbledore saying, “Severus, Severus, please.” When he got killed. So, to me, that seems very much like a, “We've talked about this situation before.” Contingency plan type deal. So, if I didn't know Snape was good in the end, when I was reading this and you learned that Snape is going through the effort to make sure they tried to attack her in the right night, I would have been way more confused and less confident in my decision on whether or not he's evil, because this seems like a golden opportunity to kind of let Harry be safe and then you can just throw your hands up in the air and say, “Oh, we tried.”


AMANDA:
Yeah, I mean it's the classic like double agent conundrum. Where, you have a… an ultimate goal but you also have to appear to be willing to like, go all the way to make that goal not happen for the other side. So the, like, more substantial the stuff that Snape does give to Voldemort. The more you know presumably believable, his-his case is going to be, which is why I thought it was so significant that in the first chapter, Yaxley asks Snape, “Are you confident like, to how you think is going to go like how's your reception going to be?”

 

MIKE:
Yeah.


AMANDA:
Because it seems like airtight right like they've just killed Dumbledore or Dumbledore is dead and in any case we don't know exactly what Voldemort knows or thinks happened that night. 

 

MIKE:
Sure.

 

AMANDA:
But yeah it's, again, stakes are raising like that is the, that is the reframe of the first bit of this book.

 

MIKE:  33:10  

Yeah. So, basically what the Order has done is they have charmed the heck out of everybody's house, so it isn’t clear which one they're planning on putting Harry in. Harry is supposed to be going to Tonks’ parents' house which is that really the best choice since she kind of has family ties to Death Eaters? I feel like Kingsley's house would have been a good call. 

 

AMANDA:  33:29  

Well, you also have to think about it from a Death Eaters point of view. What is the most obvious house, you know? Like to me, when I heard that their ultimate destination was the Burrow I was like, “Oh fuck, that's a bad choice.” Because that’s --

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
--obviously where I’d thought Harry was gonna go, you know? So yeah, I think choosing someone who is you know, kind of on the periphery and maybe even, you know has ties to the dark side like that's not an obvious choice for Harry to go to. So, from this perspective like, Mad Eye Moody is good at what he does. And this whole idea of, you know, using the kind of multiple leads, to like, send some people to multiple places. I think is super smart. Listen, diversification is good in life it is good at investing and it is good and, you know, sneaking Harry Potter out of Privet Drive. 

 

MIKE:  34:08  

It’s also good in terms of human beings, Voldemort.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, exactly.

 

MIKE:

So Harry brings up the point, aren’t they going to notice when we all go to the same house and Moody reveals,  “No, because there will be seven Harry Potter's tonight.”


AMANDA:
Da-da-da!

 

MIKE:
Which, what? So Moody brings out some what I assumed is Polyjuice Potion, they don’t actually name it but eventually they use it.

 

AMANDA:
In half a dozen, egg-cup sized glasses which caused me to shout, “Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shots!” 

 

MIKE:  34:35  

A very good note. So yeah, arguably, not one of the more enjoyable shots but probably still better than I’m trying to think of like, what's the worst alcohol to get as a shot--

 

AMANDA:
Ohhhh…

 

MIKE:
--that people actually do? Because do people shoot gin, because that sounds, that would be horrible. 

 

AMANDA:
That sounds very bad. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.


 

AMANDA:  34:50  

Yeah, people should do fire ummm…

 

MIKE:
Fireball…

 

AMANDA:
Fireball, which sounds like firewhiskey. So maybe, that'll be it. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah, Fireball’s fine, it's just like so sugary and gross. It's just like the worst version of some of the other ones like, Jack Daniels Fire or whatever. But yeah, Fireballs the, at least it's sugar-y enough where it's okay. I don't know yeah shooting gin probably would be the last place.

 

AMANDA:
Hermione does point out that Harry’s Polyjuice looks much better.


MIKE:
Ohhh… we’re going to discuss that at length later.

AMANDA:
Okay.


MIKE:
I have many questions about that.

 

AMANDA:
Alright.

 

MIKE:
So what he brings out this Polyjuice Potion to Harry, he's not feeling it. And he knows what this plan is going to be, it is not okay with it. Hermione knew that this would happen that he would react this way, and Harry says he doesn't want people risking their lives for him and Ron hits him with, “Oh right, because this is the first time any of us have done that.” 

 

AMANDA:
Fair enough, Ron. 

 

MIKE:
Which is great. Fred, then kills it by saying, “Well, none of us really fancy it Harry, imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as specky, scrawny gits forever.” Harry does not laugh at this, I laughed at this. Harry says, “Well, you can't do it if I don't like it because you need my hair.” And George says, “Well, that's that. Plan scuppered.” And this brings us to another edition of British Quandaries with UK correspondent Dottie James to see if people actually say the word ‘scuppered’

 

BRITISH MIKE
And now it is time for British Quandaries with UK correspondent, Dottie James.

 

DOTTIE JAMES 

For something to be scuppered, it means you've been foiled again your plans have been ruined. You've lost the opportunity to fulfill what you're going to do, you've been scuppered apparently it comes from originally the intention to deliberately sink a ship, but we use it every day, in terms of, umm yeah, ruined, foiled. Ahhh! Gosh darn it, scuppered again, that kind of thing, but a lot less pirate-y and a lot more English.

 

BRITISH MIKE
This has been British Quandaries with UK correspondent, Dottie James.

 

MIKE:  36:46  

And wow! Look at that, we learned the answer to the question on everybody's mind. 

 

AMANDA:
Who knew?

 

MIKE:
So, Moody says that they will result to force if they need to. Because Moody's here and he's got the plan and he's not messing around. Moody says that it is the best plan given the circumstances, because, “Even You-Know-Who can’t split himself into seven.” And then Harry and Hermione catch eyes for a brief moment and then look away from each other. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah.


MIKE:
Which, I think his great.

 

AMANDA:
I know, I know.

 

MIKE:
So good! Ugh, so amazing. Harry then gives in after Moody yells about it, and Ron hits him with a, “Just do it.” Look. So Harry says, “Okay, fine.” Hermione, as you mentioned notes that Harry's Polyjuice Potion after they mixed in the hair and stuff looks much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle’s. Which first, she says, “You look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle.” Which she even blushes and realizes, “Oh, you know what I mean.” And then sites that Goyle’s looked like boogers. But here's my question is this actually how Polyjuice Potion works? Like, if you are less gross of a person, it tastes better?!

 

AMANDA:  37:48  

I don't know, they also brew that when they were 13, or 12. 


MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
So it would be--

 

MIKE:
They might have been just bad at it.

 

AMANDA:
Exactly, that despite Hermione’s like prowess and all things that she puts her mind to except for flirting. You know, she did not maybe make Polyjuice in the smoothest way than Mad Eye Moody who has been doing this shit for a long long time has.

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
It's like, Rowlings whole view of the world is so stark, you know? Like, people's character is inherent to them and like, finds a way out. Like, that's the kind of whole premise of the like moral view of these books is like you can tell how a person really is truly down deep inside. And sometimes that is you know reflected in their actions but other times you can tell like they smell bad or their magic is gross or like they are coated in—

 

MIKE:
Or they’re ugly so they can't be good--

 

AMANDA:
Exactly.

 

MIKE:
--at magic.

 

AMANDA:

Exactly. 

 

MIKE:
I have a problem with that.


 

AMANDA:  38:36  

So I mean, I get it again as like, a device of children's books initially. That you know, someone's outsides can occasionally betray their insides or demonstrate them. But yeah, it, it made me kind of smile and roll my eyes like, oh, this is the Harry Potter that we know, you know? The Harry Potter set of books, where everybody is alliterative and bad people look gross. 

 

MIKE:
Exactly. 

 

AMANDA:
I might lose this lens as we go through the book but for now, I’m kind of like, a”Aww, classic Harry classic Harry Potter, classic JK.”

 

MIKE:  39:03  

Yeah, very classic JK. So Ron, Hermione, Fred, George and Fleur lineup, and they're one short of the seven so Hagrid just picks up Mundungus and puts him in line. So then, such a great moment where Fred and George turn to each other and say together. “Wow, we're identical.” Which is first, hilarious, but I found more hilarious when, in my brain, the situation before this took place was Fred and George are getting ready to go. And while they're getting ready, one of them turns to the other goes, “Hey, you know what's going to be really funny? When we do the Polyjuice thing and we look like Harry, what if we said this?” And then the other goes, “Oh, fuck yeah, dude! That's hilarious!”

 

AMANDA:  39:43  

Yeah man, it's just it's twin synergy, that's how twins work. All twins all over the place, every time.

 

MIKE:  39:49  

So great, after saying this, Fred, one ups it by saying, “I don't know though I still think I'm better looking.” And Fleur then says, “Bill, don’t look at me, I’m ’ideous.”  Which, a classic Fleur to always be concerned with looks and nothing else.

 

AMANDA:  40:05  

I don't know, I kind of like Ron's line the best. Which is--

 

MIKE:
I have a problem with it.

 

AMANDA:

Really?

 

MIKE:  40:11  

Well, so Ron says, “I knew Ginny was lying about the tattoo.” Which... Ron’s been roommates with Harry Potter for the past six years, and the Quidditch team for the past  couple of years.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, but he’s Ron.


MIKE:
He’s never seen Harry without his shirt on? Or Harry Potter, who tells Ron, literally everything at the beginning of the chapters, he tells Ron, everything. I feel like if Harry got a big old tattoo of a Hippogriff on his chest, he probably would have told Ron Weasley.

 

AMANDA:  40:37  

Ron could have been kidding, it’s a fun moment, let them have fun, Schubes. Let them have fun.

 

MIKE:  40:43  

I do, ughh! It just baffles me because I hoped he was kidding. But it doesn't sound like he was kidding. I can only hope that this is a joke, because if it's not, it baffles me, it boggles my mind.

 

AMANDA:  40:50  

But listen, it's a fun scene. It's a fun idea.

 

MIKE:
Yeah, it is a very fun scene.

 

AMANDA:
Extremely cinematic. in the way that I think that Harry Potter fans wanted to see Daniel Radcliffe had to do, you know? Seven of himself in the same room, acting wise. But it's a good scene in the movies, it's a good scene in the book, and Polyjuice Potion is uhhh, violent as fuck. Like, the description of this transformation is scary. Features are bubbling and distorting like, hot wax as Hermione and Fleur’s hair shoots backward into their skulls like old timey dolls. You know when they just like, pulled her ponytails you can make the hair retract.


MIKE:
Ughhh! Yup. 

 

AMANDA:
Terrifying stuff of nightmares, thank you.

 

MIKE:  41:28  

So the plan is for but Mundgus and Moody to pair up and go by broom, Arthur and Fred to pair up and go by broom. But there's this great moment when Moody calls on Fred, he goes “I'm George, you can't even tell us apart when we look like Harry?” And then he goes, “Okay, sorry George.” And then he goes, “No, no, no. I'm just pulling your wand, I'm actually Fred.” And he's like, “Ugh, you go with him and then you, the other one whoever you are, you go with Remus by broom.” So, very fun moment there. Fred and George, so good.

 

AMANDA:  41:55

It’s really smart though, to diversify again in this way, that you know? The Death Eaters probably will expect Harry to be on broom because that's his one thing. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah. 

 

AMANDA:  42:04  

So, it's smart.

 

MIKE:
Very smart. So, the rest of the pairings is Bill and Fleur on a Thestral, and Hermione and Kingsley by Thestral, and then Tonks and Ron by broom as well. Then that leaves Harry with Hagrid, which I think is a bit of a bad call because that seems like the obvious choice.


AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
Like, if I was a Death Eaters I easily would have been my first guest is, who are they gonna make them fly with? How about the half giant in the motorcycle? Like, that seems too obvious to me. 

 

AMANDA:
Me too.

 

MIKE:
I would have, I tried, I’m trying to think of who I would pick, because it's hard because he's close to everyone. I feel like Bill would have been the best call.

 

AMANDA:
Yeah. They haven’t had a lot of--

 

MIKE:
They haven’t had that much of a connection.

 

AMANDA:
Exactly.

 

MIKE:
Once I read this, I did not have high hopes for this plan which as we learn doesn't really go smoothly. So Moody says that they chose this plan, as you mentioned, because they are assuming that the Death Eaters will think Harry will be on a broom, because he's very good at it, which, that makes sense. So, this is another part of the plan that I'm not very keen on. is Harry takes his stuff, his rucksack, the Hedwig cage and the Firebolt.  He kind of shoves them into the sidecar by his feet, which I don't think this is good because I don't imagine this being perfectly hidden. So if any of the Death Eaters see something sticking out of the sidecar, they'll know it's him. And it just seems like it's extra cumbersomeness to have, I don't know what better way they can do it I don't know if they can make the stuff teleport or move because didn't they make their stuff like fly to Hogwarts on their own accord in the past. I just feel like this is a weird element of the plan, and we will learn that two of the three things don't survive the journey. So I feel like they probably should have done something else here. 

 

AMANDA:  43:39  

Yeah, I knew from the-obviously I knew, because I’d read it before-but the Sirius nostalgia makes it especially a red flag that something is about to go wrong. Because he had been thinking fondly of Sirius and Harry doesn't get to have anything nice.

 

MIKE:  43:53  

No, he does not. So Hagrid says that Arthur tricked out the motorcycle with some gadgets, I'm very hyped to see those in action and when they are used, they're very fun. 

 

AMANDA:  44:00  

Also, not a great sign.

 

MIKE:  44:02  

I mean yeah, not a great sign. But I knew it was going to make for entertaining effects, no matter what, whether they worked well or horribly. In particular, of these gadgets, though, is a purple button that they don't say what it is. But Arthur mentions that it is not ready and probably should not be used. So, I knew that was going to be very fun.


AMANDA:
I just wrote, “NOS.” On my notes.


MIKE:
Yep, that's basically what it becomes. So they leave, and they don't get very far and become surrounded by Death Eaters almost immediately. So, the Death Eaters do what they always do which is they just start shooting Avada Kedavras all over the place, because they don't care about anything. And I will point, Hagrid does the barrel roll of sorts with the motorcycle, and everything that Harry is putting in the sidecar starts to fall out. Which I thought this was very dumb. 

 

AMANDA:
Yup.

 

MIKE:
The Firebolt which goes all the way down and Harry is able to grab the rucksack and the cage before they do though. But doesn’t really matter that much because once he grabs the cage, Hedwig is hit with an Avada Kedavra.

 

AMANDA:
Ohh, Hedwig.

 

MIKE:

I didn't know that Hedwig dies, I get that people like her, and this is probably a hot take. But like, why did-why did people like Hedwig? Like, Hedwig didn’t really do anything except bite Harry sometimes when he didn't use her for letters and stuff. I've just always imagined Hedwig to be like, kind of sassy, and I don't understand why people- I was waiting for some big moment where Hedwig was like, really cool and stuff, or did something redeemable like Dobby, people were very upset when I was anti Dobby and now I understand why because he's so good. People were also upset when I was anti-Hedwig. But I don’t know, what did Hedwig ever do?

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, you know, looking back, she was really just Harry's first friend. Okay, and she was also the one like, companion, and like living creature he had to talk to during the summers when he was back at Privet Drive. So I think this was part of the like the emotional experience of reading Harry Potter. A, as a child were like you’re fucking cool to have a bird as a pet.

 

MIKE:
Yeah, exactly I can see it from the child's perspective. And from a pet lover perspective where I can understand the- if someone had a pet for six years and then it died thing. But I guess why confusion just line into the books, we didn't actually ever learn that much about Hedwig, except she was there a lot from the beginning.

 

AMANDA:  46:15  

Yeah, I mean, and-and I think it was definitely more, you know symbolic representative than just you know her doing cool things even though I think she did have a very cool personality. She was really Harry’s first physical sign that he was actually a wizard, you know?

 

MIKE:
Yeah, I can see that yeah.

 

AMANDA:
Like, yeah, Hagrid brought him a cake. Okay great, they went into Diagon Alley where he's wearing like, shitty clothes, great. But then like, he gets an owl that is just his and like, in a like where like, every single thing was a hand me down, and he was otherwise buying like school books and whatever which are also cool. But like Hedwig was--

 

MIKE:  46:43  

It’s different to have a pet.

 

AMANDA:  46:45  

--was like the first good thing to happen to him never.


 

MIKE:  46:47  

Yeah, and I guess it kind of signifies his connection of his childhood. Where--

 

AMANDA:
Exactly.

 

MIKE:
--that was something he had from the beginning and it's been his tie, the positive tie to Privet Drive and his childhood and stuff like that and now that's kind of gone.

 

AMANDA:  47:01  

Yeah, and especially during the summer she was his only like, tie to the outside world. Like, whether it was, you know, bringing mail or not bringing mail or like sitting with treats being like, “Come on, let's go outside, you”, you know? “depressive mess”. It definitely in my opinion is less like sadness at a character that I liked dying. But for my empathy for Harry.

 

MIKE:
Sure.

 

AMANDA:
As he sees maybe final death knell of his childhood--

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:

--in his you know? Beloved pet going in such a terrible manner.

 

MIKE:  47:27  

Yeah, you definitely made a good point that when it's the summer and he's at the Dursleys and he can't use magic that is his only tie to the magical world. 


AMANDA:
Yeah.

 

MIKE:
Because he's not allowed to do anything else. So Hedwig in a way serves as his beacon of hope and his reminder that hey, the summer is almost over, you'll be back at school, and she's his connection to friends, whether it's letters, Daily Prophet etc. So, I get it. So yes, I think you're right is that it's more of being sad for Harry and less Hedwig didn't seem to be anything super important. But I don't know, I guess I understand it more. But I thought that Hedwig was going to have some big thing just based on people's reactions when a couple times earlier in Potterless I mentioned that, “Oh, Hedwig seems really sassy. I don't know that I like Hedwig.” And not the fun sassy like Ginny and Fred and George. 

 

AMANDA:
Right.

 

MIKE:
Like, the ‘I'm gonna bite your hand because you're using Pigwidgeon’. Which, which was objectively, the smarter thing to do to not get the owls intercepted, Hedwig. So, anyway.

 

AMANDA:  48:20  

Yeah I hear you and this for me. I remember exactly like what I felt and where I was when I read this portion of the chapter for the first time. Because it was just so- it was so shocking to me that like Harry can't have even this.

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
To me like again I know that lots of like, bad crap has happened in the book so far and the Dursleys are gone and Harry's moving and, you know? We saw Voldemort alone to open the book. Like, seriously significant stuff. But this to me was like, “Oh man, this, this is a war book.” And like, here we are and not everybody is going to make it out. 

 

MIKE:  48:51  

No, they are not. I'm sure that this is going to be the first death of many and maybe this is kind of setting the stage where before anyone we really care about dies, it's just this little thing of, you know? You kind of care about Hedwig, get ready. It's almost like a bad appetizer for getting it. Because I have not read chapter five yet, but the name of it is ‘The Fallen Warrior’. So, I'm guessing someone didn't survive, and I kind of anticipated that once you see how shit hits the fan-y the plan goes. I was expecting somebody to not make it out alive, I do not know who it is. I fear that it's one of the twins. Because they're technically the most cool like it's I hate to say this, but like, they seem like the most expendable because like, well, there's two of them. But I'm scared that someone is going to be dead that we actually really care about, and maybe this Hedwig thing is kind of setting up like, “Hey, get ready. This book is serious and it is a war book, there's going to be a bunch of deaths.” I'm assuming. People that we've known since day one are going to die and that is going to be hard. So we'll see how it ends up being, but moving on. Four Death Eaters pursue Hagrid and Harry once everybody kind of splits up. Hagrid hits a green button on the motorcycle and a literal brick wall comes out of the exhaust pipe, which I think is funny, one of the four Death Eaters gets hit and another one goes to make sure that they don't plummet to their death. Hagrid then continues to drive but the other Death Eaters catch up, even the one that went to help this other guy. So then Hagrid hits another button which a net flies out but they were ready for something to come out of the rear so they all dodge. Then Hagrid hits this purple button which we are not sure about and we learned that it's the NOS button, some dragon fire comes out of the back which first off could harm them but then also just projects, the motorcycle, much faster--

 

AMANDA:
It’s the best.

 

MIKE:
--and they quickly kind of escape in a little bit of hyper speed, so to speak. The sidecar though starts to break away structurally and Hagrid’s like, “oh I’ll fix it.” And Harry goes, “No, no, no, no” Because Hagrid is not always the best with magic, he's using you know his broken wand and the umbrella. So, it’s not perfect and Hagrid tries to use Reparo, but whatever happens with the spell, it makes the sidecar just pop clear off of the motorcycle. So Harry seems like he's going to just start falling to his death, but in the ultimate callback, uses Wingardium Leviosa, which I don't think has been used since that lesson, right?

 

AMANDA:  51:22  

You would know better than me, because I have not read all the books as recently as you have. Yeah, that's awesome I was thinking later in the chapter like I can't believe that Expelliarmus plays such a role in combat here. 

 

MIKE:
Yeah.

AMANDA:
You know? Like, it's such a first year spell but sometimes you gotta go back to basics and for Harry it's, Reparo, Wingardium Leviosa and Expelliarmus.

 

MIKE:  51:43  

And then all of just his various stunning charms. But I mean, Expelliarmus is a good one. Because, especially if you're flying it's not like they're on the ground or something where you can try to chase after your wand and pick it up. If you're flying and you drop it, you got to dive bomb to catch it, or just keep moving and not have a wand. So I think it's a good choice, but I’ll get into the Expelliarmus thing, because I'm unsure if that is what gives him away, so to speak, but we'll cover that in a second. 

 

AMANDA:
Yeah, I don't know either.

 

MIKE:
So Harry uses Wingadium Leviosa to kind of keep himself floating, the three Death Eaters then start to approach Harry, he hits one of them, the middle one, with Impedimenta. And just as the other two kind of swerve out of the way so they don't get hit by this frozen body, Hagrid grabs Harry out of the sidecar which had started to descend and throws him onto the back of the seat of the motorcycle. So Harry is facing back to back with Hagrid and just throwing stunning spells all over the place. And when he throws one of them it whizzes by one of the hooded Death Eaters, but by the light of it, he can see that it’s Stan Shunpike. And I am sticking with my theory from before that, Stan Shunpike is Draco using Polyjuice potion. Because if Draco does stuff, they don't want to see that a kid who's supposed to be a student at Hogwarts is a full fledged Death Eater, this is still my guess. But the question here is, is this actually Stan? Because if it is, that means they would have had to get him out of the ministry because the ministry had him in Azkaban because they made that arrest for him. But we've gotten the vibe from Harry asking Scrimgeour about it. It seems like it's a false arrest that they did just to try to save face. So, it's a weird situation, I'm sure we will learn about it very soon but I'm sticking to my guns and I think it's Malfoy’s disguise, so that people don't say, “Hey, why is this student a Death Eater?”

 

AMANDA:  53:30  

Well, the only clue we get is the description of Stan’s face as “strangely blank”. Which is all Harry can make out before he tries to use Expelliarmus again. And hear someone yell ominously. “That's him. It's him, it's the real one.”

 

MIKE:  53:45  

Yes, so that was my question. Because Harry thinks, how did they know? How did they know? But was it because he used Expelliarmus? I guess, if we're going with my theory that this actually Draco, I guess would make sense because Harry uses it a lot. But shouldn't it be a spell that everybody uses a lot? It seems like a good spell. 

 

AMANDA:  54:01  

I don't know,the other options in my opinion are like, One, it was a real owl compared to other ones that were fake. Like, if they saw it looks like Hedwig was bloody. Like, they could theoretically have seen that it was actually Hedwig though I think that the--

 

MIKE:
Oh,did everybody else have a-have a rucksack and a Firebolt and an owl with them?

 

AMANDA:
They did.

 

MIKE:  54:22  

Ohhh, I missed that.

 

AMANDA:
They had a stuffed owl in a cage, yeah. 

 

MIKE:
Oh, okay.


AMANDA:
So, that is possible and also just Hagrid yelling, “Harry.”
 

MIKE:
Yeah.

 

AMANDA:
Like, Hagrid could-

 

MIKE:
The emotion.


AMANDA:
-have had a like, a good cover, apparently? But, you know? It seemed to me like, it's, it’s very genuine. So we don't know and it is scary.

 

MIKE:  54:36  

Could it possibly be some sort of like Legilimency situation? 

 

AMANDA:  54:41  

I think at this point we are familiar enough with legilimency that Harry would have like described some kind of prickle in his mind.

 

MIKE:
Okay, i'm sure, yeah. 

 

AMANDA:
You know? That's my feeling but you know, like it's a possibility it's not- it's not impossible. 

 

MIKE:
Okay, cool. so we'll have to see later. So Harry tells Hagrid to do the dragon fire thing again, and they do it and it seems to have worked, but in the brief time when Harry thinks that it has worked, he thinks again, how did Stan know? And just as he's having this thought… uhhh, Voldemort shows up, and in the most intimidating move possible. he's not on a broom, he’s not a Thestral, he's not on a flying motorcycle. He's just floating... in the air, which sounds terrifying.

 

AMANDA:  55:21  

It is fucking terrifyng.