EPISODE 64 : Deathly Hallows (Ch. 11)
w/ Bayana Davis and Robyn Ravenclaw
The lovely ladies from #WizardTeam join to discuss more of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Topics include redemption arcs, Pius Thiccness, stealing magic, moving the goalposts, Lupin’s self hate, Wizard Sex Ed, Star Wolf, All CAPS HARRY, JK Rowling’s race relations, Fireball, The Pontiac Bandit, Draymond Green, and more! Also, this episode has A RAP BATTLE IN IT.
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HARRY (Nathan Cox):
It's about to be a Wolfsbane summer
You know we gotta cut the heads off these basilisks right?
Watch out it's a full moon
The year 7 student
The Gryffindor joint
Watch the body change
Boy who lived aside
You tell my crew you're fully down to ride
You knocked up Tonks and now you're bout to up and leave her side
You're a wolf not a lion, that explains your lack of pride
Don't have a baby boy if your ass isn't ready
Even if he has your traits you should still be there for Teddy
Take it from me, I promise he'll be missing his pa,
Both your paws, did you read the wedding clause?
For better or worse, what if your baby's in danger?
You're gettin' schooled by Potter you got fooled by Granger
With the fake wolf howl you went running down the hill
Now you runnin still for a selfish thrill
You're transformed into a father with these arcane bars
Come catch a few from your boy with the lightning scar
Without you our crew will get overpowered?
I'd rather we be overpowered than keep a deadbeat coward.
So just tuck your tail Remus, run your ass back home
Me, Hermione and Ron will finish this mission alone
and keep my father's name out your mouth
Take care of that baby Remusssss
Y'all don't fuck with a parseltongue on the track
LUPIN (Mike Schubert/Kelly Beckman):
Where’s my wolf pack at?
Yeah, ‘cause it’s about to be a Potter slaughter.
Sit down, Harry. Let me Tell you what’s up.
Look, I just want to help I don’t need your shit, Harry.
Is it a full moon? Cause its about to get scary.
I’m a werewolf son, I’ve heard it all before.
I know who I am, a lionhearted Gryffindor.
You don’t know the truth of our tragic love story,
I’m not Sirius or James, I’m not out here seeking glory,
I’ve condemned them to poverty, a life of inequality,
A robbery, atrocity, and now to be fatherly,
The best thing I can do is to leave them alone,
by protecting you I protect them, and I can atone,
In Dumbledore I trust, he left you with a task,
And bringing down You-Know-Who is the only way peace will last.
I’m double your age and triple your wisdom,
So swallow your pride and let’s get shit done.
Calling me selfish shows your ignorance,
Say I’m a coward again, you’ll see belligerence.
I watched you slack off and almost fail all your classes,
You and Ron should be thankful Hermione’s saving your asses.
Your squad? I have expertise that it’s clear they lack,
What’cha gonna do against Fenrir Greyback?
When you face death eaters, who do you think you’re harming,
In school for 6 years and all you know is disarming?
Dumbledore gave you this mission, but you’re not that skilled
Don’t think you’re hot shit just ‘cause you didn’t get killed.